Darn it. I have this personal rule about leaving comments that a great story deserves praise AND some constructive criticism (because it can take it). But I liked this so much that I forgot to offer crit so then I reread to dig some up. Thus, I know I've never read/reviewed your stories before but I hope you won't take offense, I wouldn't have bothered if I didn;t truly adore this story. So...
1. Own it. You made up and filled in a lot of background for Sweets in this and it was fantastic. Sometimes something a bout it seemed a tad tentative and uncertain. But you thought up very good stuff. If you tell me this is how Nancy-Lancey grew up. I'll believe you.
2. I suppose I wanted the tone to warm up a bit by the end. You did a wonderful job of writing int eh 2nd person but staying somewhat distant throught out Lance's childhood. By the end I wanted hi to be a bit closer than he was, Mostly because Sweets has never seemed, to me, to be the detached observer that maybe he should be. Often he is like the audience sitting in, grinning because he can;t help it when Booth and Brennan are letting their true colors show.
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2010-01-29 04:18 am (UTC)1. Own it. You made up and filled in a lot of background for Sweets in this and it was fantastic. Sometimes something a bout it seemed a tad tentative and uncertain. But you thought up very good stuff. If you tell me this is how Nancy-Lancey grew up. I'll believe you.
2. I suppose I wanted the tone to warm up a bit by the end. You did a wonderful job of writing int eh 2nd person but staying somewhat distant throught out Lance's childhood. By the end I wanted hi to be a bit closer than he was, Mostly because Sweets has never seemed, to me, to be the detached observer that maybe he should be. Often he is like the audience sitting in, grinning because he can;t help it when Booth and Brennan are letting their true colors show.
Ok, finished now.
Loved it. Will look forward to more from you.
Nyah